"I'm Not the Same Church-going Man I Once Was"

“I Am Not the Same Church-going Man I Once Was”

No, I am not the same “Bible Bill” I was called back in the 80’s. Back then, I was a company man, a church going man, and a card-carrying minister in good standing within the folds of “churchianity.” I remember those years well, but I hardly recognize the man I was back then nor the alternate church universe I felt at home in.

I’m not talking about the physical, psychological, and emotional changes that naturally come with growing old. My physical appearance has changed over time, but former friends, and colleagues would still be able to pick me out of a church line-up. But when it comes to my spiritual make-up and the revolutionary changes that have taken place in my spiritual understanding, most of those former friends and acquaintances wouldn’t have a clue who I am now. After I woke from the long church sleep, my sight gradually came into focus. My entire paradigm concerning the church and authentic Christianity has been turned on its head. I can see clearly now and, I guess you could say that I am even a newer man in Christ.

I see things in a radically new light now that I am not viewing everything through the prism of churchianity. I see the church as it was meant to be in the beginning. I see the issues of spiritual authenticity, simplicity and accountability much clearer now. I have a more in-depth understanding of many of the subtle dynamics at work in the church man has made. My discernment has grown far more sensitive to spiritual baloney, spiritual posturing, and naked ambition.

I was too polarized in my thinking to even begin to comprehend the truths I clearly see today. The thought of God calling a remnant of faithful saints out of something called “churchianity” would have been incomprehensible to me back then. If someone had shared that message with me, I would have told them that the bible says that we should not forsake the gathering of ourselves together. I would have told them that what they were teaching was heresy for spouting such rubbish and fought them tooth and nail. I just didn’t have the eyes to see or the ears to hear. My identity was so wrapped up in a church-centered life that I had lost touch with truth when I heard it.

Back then, the soil of my heart had become compacted and hardened against the spiritual truths I now embrace. Much of what I profess today would not have found fertile ground back then. I needed the fallow-ground of my heart broken up first and ploughed deep by the Spirit of God before those seeds of truth could take root. I was so consumed with the church centered life that anything that threatened it was anathema. Any truths others might have shared about the things I now communicate would have had about as much impact as throwing a bag of marshmallows at a stone wall.

Back then I was so ambitious and purpose driven that I even ran red lights to reach my ministerial goals. I had spiritual blinders on and couldn't see the His church forest through the church trees when it came to churchianity. I was so performance driven I couldn’t even hear Jesus sitting outside taking to Mary.

But time and the demands of church life and ministry eventually caught up with me, “mid-life crisis” and “spiritual burnout” combined to hurl me into a long wilderness experience of reappraisal and restoration in Him. I found myself asking serious questions about why I did what I did, who I did it for, and what it was all about.